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POSITIVE TALK... with Linda |
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Iron Laws of Human Behavior In last month's Positive Talk with Linda column I gave you some communication techniques for handling conflict. They are: Neutralizing - we neutralize to take the “sting” out of words. Active Listening - responses that help to establish trust and give people the feeling that they’ve been heard and understood. “I” Messages - Used to take responsibility for your own feelings, and Giving Feedback - make non-critical observations about a person's behavior. These communication techniques work when we use them. But, in light of the school violence in particular and the seemingly violent nature of our society in general I feel compelled to further explore this topic and provide additional information that may help in dealing with conflict and human behavior. In my conflict resolution training I have learned some very important information called the "Iron Laws of Human Behavior". They work most of the time for most kinds of people--enough times that you can rely on them as a rule of thumb. They bend, but don't usually break. The Iron Laws of Human Behavior are: 1. People will rarely make a decision if there is any way to avoid it. 2. People usually act out of self-interest 3. When two people have a dispute, it can’t be resolved until both parties decide to resolve it. 4. When two people have a dispute, they can't resolve it until some of the mistrust has been eliminated. 5. People tend to carry out decisions they helped formulate. 6. People do not like to be told what to do. 7. People are more important than disputes. If they can agree to live peacefully with each other without resolving who did what to whom, then those precipitating incidents become unimportant. 8. Disputes are not resolved by dwelling, on the negative. They are resolved by discovering preliminary areas of agreement, accentuating the positive and expanding small agreements into larger ones. Understanding human behavior helps us to understand other people and ourselves. To resolve conflict be more responsive and less judgmental. |
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